How To Overcome The Fear Of Conflict

Life Coach at The Door, Audrey Zeitoun, covers the consequences of conflict avoidance, how to change your mind-set and what the long-term benefits are of overcoming your fear

When you’re on a plane, we're told to secure our own mask before helping anyone else. As a people pleaser, kind, easy going people, we can easily forget to put on our own mask first in life. So if you’re reading this, isn’t it time you put yourself first?

Am I a people pleaser?

Do you struggle with conflict? Do people say you’re a nice person? People pleasers want to make everybody happy and they tend to forget about their owns needs in the process. Do the words conflict, confrontation, and arguments get your blood pressure up? You could be a people pleaser. 

Let's explore the causes of conflict avoidance

Conflict avoidance is usually related to the emotions of fear and rejection but we may not be aware of it. We may feel uncomfortable, anxious, resentful, so we prefer avoid the conflict instead of going through the uncomfortable feelings.

What are the consequences of conflict avoidance?

Burn-out, anger, resentment, frustration, what else comes to your mind? Avoiding difficult conversations has a short term gain but long term the effects can build up to a massive break down.

How to change your mindset

• REFRAME THE WORDS - instead of 'conflict', 'aggressive', 'selfish', what words can you use instead? 'Difficult conversation'? 'Vital explanation'? Or maybe 'meaningful and honest conversation'. What other negative words can you re-phrase to alter how you perceive this communication?
• CHANGE THE STORY IN YOUR HEAD - what’s the worse that could happen? We build up the worst case scenario in our head but will it happen for sure? Imagine another scenario more open to a positive outcome instead.
• RECOGNISE YOUR TRIGGERS - how do these words make you feel; conflict, arguments, rejection. Where did you learn them?
• ASSERTIVE V AGGRESSIVE - they are two different meanings, don't get them mixed up! Assertive behaviour considers the rights, needs and feelings of your own and of others with the ability to openly and calmly communicate. Aggressive behaviour is hostile and disregards the wellbeing of others without the ability to reason.
• CONSIDER THE COMPANY YOU KEEP - surround yourself with friends and business partners who respect you and don’t avoid conflict.

Long term benefits

• Have better partnerships at work.
• Have better relationships with your friends and family and your intimate partner.
• Be respected and known as being honest and kind.
• Avoid burnout and avoid falling out with the people close to you.
• Feel better about yourself.

If you’d like to find out more on how to have difficult conversations without appearing aggressive, you can book a free discovery call or appointment with Audrey at The Door W4:

020 8742 8822

enquiries@thedoorw4.co.uk